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LOSING A SPOUSE: THREE TO SIX MONTHS AFTER A LOSS

March 19, 2021

By now most of the big stuff is probably done. The thank you notes have been written and mailed. The marker or head stone has been placed or you’ve found a place for the urn. You’ve probably filed for the life insurance, and perhaps you’ve even begun to clean out his closet.


You may be wondering, what have I missed?


· Have you changed the titles to the car?


· Put the deed to the home in your name?


· Have you changed the utilities and cable service into your name?


· Is your medical power of attorney up to date?


· Have you updated your estate plan or will?


· Have you spoken to an accountant or tax expert about any tax consequences associated with gifts you have made or increased allocations from IRA or investments?


How about you? What are you doing to take care of you?


· Are you up-to-date with your health and dental care?


· Are you eating well?


· Are you learning to cook or have you gotten someone to mow the lawn?


· Have you had lunch or dinner with a friend?


· Have you done something fun? A movie? Golf? A ballgame?


Scientists tell us there is a hand/mind connection. Doing things with our hands actually increases our sense of well-being. Even simple chores such as washing the dishes, preparing your meal, or even making your bed help to provide purpose and a natural routine. Why not step outside of your box and try something creative that you used to enjoy doing or have thought about trying? Don’t discount the value of a craft, woodworking or art project.


Finally, see people. Human contact is vital to your new normal. If your friends and family aren’t calling you, then call them. Look for a movie you would like to see, a museum you would like to visit, or a restaurant you would like to try and ask someone to join you.

www.bustardcares.com

Bustard & Jacoby Funerals, Cremation, Monuments & Receptions has provided high quality funeral, burial, cremation and memorial services at their location in Casper, Wyoming since 1937. It is Casper’s only Wyoming-owned funeral home and enjoys a close relationship with members of the community including hospice and several local churches and ministers. It also is the only funeral home in the state with an indoor/outdoor Reception and Celebration Center. To search obituaries from funeral homes in Casper Wyoming, click here. To learn more about the funeral home, please visit bustardcares.com.

What to Expect When Your Catholic Friend Dies

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Roman Catholic refers to a religious body that acknowledges the pope as its authority and the Vatican as the center of ecclesiastical unity. The Catholic Church’s position on death is as follows … From the General Introduction of the Order of Christian Funerals: “The Church intercedes on behalf of the deceased because of its confident belief that death is not the end… The Church also ministers to the sorrowing and consoles them in the funeral rites with the comforting word of God and sacrament of the eucharist.”

Why Children Should be Included in a Funeral

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When a child falls and scuffs a knee, we kiss the boo-boo. A boo-boo kiss doesn’t really make the injury “all better” but, it is an important first step. It acknowledges the injury. The child is comforted that an adult is in charge. They know they are not alone. The hurt knee might need stitches, or it might just need some soap and water and a super hero bandage. Either way, the boo-boo kiss is the first step to things falling into order.

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Planning for Cremation

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1. Choose a cremation provider 2. Decide on a “closing” ceremony 3. Choose a final resting place Start with the end. Where will your cremated remains “rest”? There are three general choices and a variety of options within each choice. On average, a cremated human body will be reduced to about five pounds of coarse “ash”. • Ashes can be kept by a family member • Buried or permanently kept in a columbarium niche • Scattered

How Often Do I Need to Change the Furnace Filter?

By Bustard Cares • August 12, 2022
When there is a breakup, illness, or death and the person in the household who took care of the household necessities is no longer available, it isn’t long before you know you need help. Finding someone to do these little jobs can be difficult. It’s a good idea to be prepared to learn how to do some things yourself.

In Times of Stress Routine is a Life Saver

By Bustard Cares • August 12, 2022
In times of stress, loss, and change, the most important coping skill is taking control of your time. You must establish a routine. Picture a fish out of water. That’s how a person feels in the midst of grief, loss, or any major life change. Without a plan they flip, flop, and ultimately flounder.

After the Funeral…What to Look Forward to

By Bustard Cares • August 12, 2022
Sometimes the future feels bleak. For those struggling with a recent death in their family or just beaten down by the news, it can be difficult to look forward, to anticipate, to feel hopeful.

Do I Need a “Final Resting Place”?

By Jeff Jacoby • July 25, 2022
Let’s face it everyone will have one, a final resting place that is. The questions you should be asking are where is it? Can it be found in the future should a family member want to do so? Is the final resting place protected? Is it hallowed ground? Will the place endure?

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On February 24th, twenty thousand mourners filled downtown Los Angeles' Staples Center — “the house that Kobe built” — to celebrate the lives of the 41-year-old Lakers star and his 13-year-old daughter, who were killed alongside seven others in the crash in Calabasas. With tears streaming down his face, Michael Jorden spoke about his “big brother” mentoring relationship with Kobe. Beyoncè sang KO, one of Kobe’s favorites, and his wife Vanessa bravely spoke about her daughter, her husband, and her loss.

THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT SOMEONE WHO IS GRIEVING IN ISOLATION

By Tukios Websites • June 17, 2022
Grief is difficult in perfectly normal times. However, when a global pandemic has us isolated, we lose two important comfort and coping mechanisms. Hugs are very hard to come by these days. In normal times the physical touch of a hug fills the vacuum when a person who loves another is at a loss for words but wants to show they care. Those who are grieving now, isolated and alone, have also lost another important coping mechanism. Distraction, via activity, is lost to many. Bridge groups are not meeting, church services and events are cancelled, volunteer activities have been suspended, all leaving mourners with many hours to pass alone.  If you know someone who has experienced a recent loss, look for a way to offer support and show you care. Three suggestions are: 1. Use your words. Make it easy, use the phone, make a call. For many, some of the newer technologies like Zoom and FaceTime may be frustrating. When a person is in the throes of grief learning something new can feel as realistic as climbing a mountain on a whim. While it’s great to see a face, being available to listen and to just talk is valuable. Make it easy. Make it regular. Set up a regular call time like coffee on Monday morning, cocktails at five on Friday, or lunch on Wednesday. A regular repeating time has the added benefit of giving both the caller and the person who is coping with grief something to look forward to. The more “you get together” the less you need to worry about what to say and what not to say. Conversation will become natural and will expand beyond the loss. 2. Offer to help where you can. Sometimes folks who are grieving get stuck. They are overwhelmed by a long list of little tasks that may seem simple to the rest of us. Where can I take the clothes? How do I safely discard medicine? How do I change the furnace filter? How do I get these leaves raked? Even the grocery store can feel overwhelming. Ask how you can help. Make a few suggestions. Keep in mind some people are not comfortable accepting help. Offer to do something specific. If that offer is not accepted, next time ask in an open-ended way such as “where could you use help”? If all else fails, just show up and pull the weeds. 3. Do something kind and unexpected. Bring dinner, buy a flower, put on your mask and offer a ride to the cemetery. Send a journal. Think cozy and warm. Drop off a hot chocolate kit, a mini pie, a scented candle or warm socks. Be creative. Show you care and be kind.
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